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Post by ♥Starlene on Dec 23, 2007 21:15:41 GMT -5
Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing, social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a she, no one in the universe would ever wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the shopping bag, with a "clearance sale" price tag still attached. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended to flying deer; and Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist to be wall-mounted.
Even if the male Santa DID still have reindeer, he'd have other transportation problems, because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man include:
-Men can't pack a bag.
-Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
-Men would feel their masculinity is threatened by having to be seen with all those elves in costume.
-Men don't answer their mail.
-Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."
-Men aren't interested in stockings unless some TV or Hollywood starlet is wearing them.
-Having to do the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
-Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a serious commitment.
The fact is that other mythical holiday characters have to be men:
-Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous.
-Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
-Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the male testosterone screening test, but not Santa, because it's clear he's a she with unique style.
For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman.
Surely, if he were a she, no one in the universe would ever wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the shopping bag, with a "clearance sale" price tag still attached. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended to flying deer; and Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist to be wall-mounted.
Even if the male Santa DID still have reindeer, he'd have other transportation problems, because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man include:
-Men can't pack a bag.
-Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
-Men would feel their masculinity is threatened by having to be seen with all those elves in costume.
-Men don't answer their mail.
-Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described, even in jest, as anything remotely resembling a "bowl full of jelly."
-Men aren't interested in stockings unless some TV or Hollywood starlet is wearing them.
-Having to do the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
-Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a serious commitment.
The fact is that other mythical holiday characters have to be men:
-Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous.
-Cupid flies around carrying weapons.
-Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.
Any one of these individuals could pass the male testosterone screening test, but not Santa, because it's clear he's a she with unique style.
Orca~Guardian of the Cosmic Memory~{=}http://i242.photobucket.com/albums/ff63/HealingSpiritForum/meditationf.gif{/=}
Hugs and Stuff Girly <3
~love hugs and stuff~ I'm just very selective about the reality I accept." - Calvin and Hobbs{=}{/=}{=}{/=}
